he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
