Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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