I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
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there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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