Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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