Screwed.edu
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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