two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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