that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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