Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
