PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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