My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I hope mine doesn't look like that
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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