Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Randomize
