Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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