also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
