I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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