watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
