If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
