Where is the hickey?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
