I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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