I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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