Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize