Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
