His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
