i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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