Princesses don't give blow jobs
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
