fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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