Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
