why didn't you poke me back
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i love accidental penises.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
