OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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