miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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