My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
