i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
