If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im six kinds of drunk right now
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
