twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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