I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
