If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bring me that man meat
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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