So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
