look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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