I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
