woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
