She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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