your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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