i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
