I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
