mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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