So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
