i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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