if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
