P.S. I can't hear my feet
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
