Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
