The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
