I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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