omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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