Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
