No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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