It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
