If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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