I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
