You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
