never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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