you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
