I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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