Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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