I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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