Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We need to get me chipped asap
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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