The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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