I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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