Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
