So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
