my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
