I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
