We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
