you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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