before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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