what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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