I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
