This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
third nipple confirmed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
