dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
