So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
