Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
