New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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